So these are my people

Neil, this one's for you.

HOORAY!

There are a few things to celebrate today.

The first is that I didn't go to work, for no reason. I guess that is just what happens when there is no job to do and no supervisor to make sure you do it.

The second is that I am reading all of your blogs instead of writing the paper that is due in a few hours and that is worth 50% of my grade. Study skills, why can I never learn you?

The third is that this post means we will no longer be greeted with Sarah Palin's ugly mug when we check this blog. I don't care how many desperate internet losers say she is hot; I really don't get all the fuss. So there.

AND! THE FOURTH THING WE ARE CELEBRATING TODAY IS THAT THE MOVIE IS COMING TO TOWN! Sorry, I meant THIS MOVIE IS COMING TO TOWN. Two Angry Moms: tale of a couple soccer moms who got fed up with school ""lunch" and took to the streets. Then they made a movie. THE movie. It feels like THE Movie because I have been working on getting it here for quite some time, and now it is coming. And so is one of the Directors, Angry Mom Amy. You should watch the movie clips, and then come see the movie at the Leonardo on October 16 at 7:00 p.m. School lunch is an abomination, kids are fat and so are grown-ups, and if things dont change in the next few years I will have to home school my hypotheticals. Come one come all!

WTF

This is probably old news (life without a TV means that my world has a 2-3 week delay) but, seriously, though, WTF. WTF, I say.

* Addendum: THIS is what the LA Times have to say. WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF. There. Now I feel better! Even if the front cover was photoshopped, I still think its WTF, too, BTW. Ha!

In my dreams

The other night I had a nightmare that I was being attacked. As the bad guy maniacally approached me, I told him in no uncertain terms that he should rethink what he was about to do because I am a sexual assault advocate and I know how to get his derriere busted. Seriously, I'm in with the cops, I know the protocol, I will have his DNA booked into evidence and processing at the crime lab before he could say Jack Robinson.

I woke up panicked at first (anyone who has experienced a somnolent assault knows it is terrifying), but then I got to thinking about how funny my sleep-brain is for giving my assailant a lecture.

And then I got to thinking I may need a vacation.

They got me

The Pampered Chef party was not the silly foray I had hoped for, largely because the Pampered Chef herself took the whole affair so seriously (the nerve!). I will admit to an inner (thankfully, thankfully inner) giggle fit when she mentioned a particular pan would be good for making, say, chicken parmesan, looked at me and said "Oh, you probably don't eat that, do you? Well, veal parmesan, then? Do you eat that?" Poor lady. Someone needs to tell her that veal is made from the FLESH OF BABY COWS, but I didn't. Instead, I just responded, bleakly, "Probably not" and shared a look with all my equally incredulous guests.

I entered into the idea of a Pampered Chef party flippantly, I'll admit it. I thought it would be silly fun, and I was sure I was above a multi-level-mentality. I never saw myself hoping other people would buy things out of personal self-interest. I'm not above self-interest in general, I just wasn't aware mine extended so easily into the world of kitchen implements.

But it did! So now, out of a mostly self-interested motivation to obtain more silicone spatulas (here's hoping honesty makes up for selfishness on the virtue-o-meter), I would like to advise you that if you go to this website and enter my name and buy anything I get more free stuff. If you order more than$60 worth of gear, you also get free stuff. You have until Thursday, and if you want to order something after Thursday just tell me and I will extend the show longer. I am ashamed to beseech the internet in a manner so unseemly, but I figure, if I were going to buy a mixing bowl anyway and buying it through your weird Pampered Chef thing got you a free chopper, well, I'd like to do it for you. So, if you are in the mood for any cool/useless gadget and think you might like to buy it this week, now you know the most altruistic way to do that. The mix n' chop thing you get for free actually seemed pretty cool when the cooking lady demo-ed it.

Dumb multi-level marketing, stripping me of my dignity like this. It's a good thing I have never been to a Tupperware Party. Something tells me that with my penchant for Jazzercise I may be just the kind of girl they are looking for. I'm a sucker for brand names from the eighties.

Another reason

To avoid cesareans.

Incidentally, I find the terms v-bactivist, lactivist and intactivist supremely satisfying, in a nerdy-english-major/dr. seuss kind of way. They make me want to create really confusing t-shirts.

Democratic National Convention

Worth seeing.

In case you were wondering

I was offered a graduate assistantship that includes a full tuition waiver. There was no flying rodent clause, unlike previous offers received, so I accepted. Instead, I will be teaching health class to fifteen-year-olds.

I may live to regret passing on the bat offer.

Tagged

Thank Missy for these fascinating tidbits about moi.

Favorite Color: Green. And purple. But mostly green.

Hometown: Beschwagg

Kids: Hypothetically

Number of Siblings: One brother, one sister.

Unknown Fact About Me: This picture is for real:

Favorite Store: I mostly hate shopping, especially in malls. I derive shameful enjoyment from Target, but my most favorite place to shop is at any Farmer's Market. Unless it is hot or crowded.

Worst Habit: Not vacuuming, not blogging, not showering. There, now you know everything.

Your Favorite Food: It used to be pizza and chocolate chip cookies, but now both of those delicious treats induce diabetic symptoms immediately upon consumption. I'll say peaches.

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Last movie at the theater: This disclosure is the most amazing thing you will ever read on this blog, so get ready: Iron Man. That's right, folks. I saw racist, sexist, monstrously inane Iron Man at the Dollar Theater when we had friends in town a few weeks ago.

Favorite TV show: I have no idea, haven't been big on TV since middle school. I consistently think The Simpsons is funny. To be honest, I'd probably gobble up any TV show you put in front of me because I have no defenses or discretion. I'd be texting my vote for America's Next Top Whateverthehell and running out to buy the fiber-infused gogurt I saw an ad for during the commercial break.

Favorite Sandwich: There needs to be cheese involved, and the cheese should be abundant and melty. Sometimes, it's worth the pain.

Listening to right now: Ryan singing nonsense songs. This would be the answer any time you asked this question.

Last thing you ate: Cafe Rio salad. If I were to tell you what I ate for dinner last night, though, I would tell you that I made butternut squash and apple soup with the firstfruits of my little brother's maiden gardening voyage, a Mediterranean couscous and lentil salad, mozzarella caprese with heirloom tomatoes from the farmer's market and basil from my balcony, vegan raisin carrot walnut muffins, and strawberry shortcake with lemon scones I made myself. I don't know how I made all that crap; it made me tired just typing it out.

Under your bed: Suitcases, plastic drawers holding socks and underwear, and a massage table.

Towns have you lived in: Ten, if memory serves.

Kelsey, you're it. Soon you will have a kid and I will feel guilty tagging you, so I gotta get while the getting's good.