Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Holy strong familial opinions, Batman!


I am amazed by the strength of others' opinions about Project Eat-a-Bat. It seems like Ryan and I are the most laissez-faire about the whole thing. My family, in particular, have very strong feelings about the subject.

My grandmother called me yesterday to inform me of her opinion, the strongest one I've received.

"Well, I've been thinking about this bat thing, and I think it's nuts! You can't eat a bat! They have rabies, you know! Bats! They're full of rabies! You shouldn't do it. I don't think you should do it! You should call NIH!" (As in, the National Institutes of Heath. Evidently NIH employs operators to stand by waiting to assist anyone who wants to find out whether bats are, in fact, full of rabies. I have to cut her a break. She probably doesn't use 'Google' as a verb).

"I appreciate your concern, but did you know that there are lots of places in the world where people just eat bats? It's not really uncommon."

"WHERE?!?!", she asked accusingly. I think it offended her sensibilities too greatly to continue a discussion about people in their right minds eating bats as though they were food when they could be eating normal things! Like pigs! Things that are normal to eat!I steered the conversation to more neutral turf, sensing that I was not going to convince this highly-concerned woman that eating bats is, really, no big deal. She ended up telling me about how her mother (the source of the "bed, beautiful bed" song I recited in the last post) was afraid of nothing but bats. One time a bat got in the house and the woman locked herself in the bathroom until her son-in-law, my grandfather, and a friend of his had beaten the bat to death with a broom. Another time, long after my great-grandmother's passing, a bat got into the house again and this time it was my father who had the desirable task of eradicating it. Which he did, wearing a ski mask and wielding a tennis racket. I should really post more often about my dad.

At any rate, out of respect for this grandmother of mine, I will give the internet a solid consultation to make sure I am not likely to get rabies from ingesting a bat. Otherwise, we will sally forth.

On the other hand, I spoke with my mother on the phone last week and she informed me, through intensifying gales of giggles, that she thinks the situation is the funniest thing she has ever heard of. However, later in the conversation she referred to my blog as "the highlight of [her] life", which may mean she is just insane and prone to giddiness.

My siblings came up for Sunday dinner (brave of them, really, to come join the vegan parade), and were there informed of my most recent Primary Objective in Life. Neither of them had read about it here, so it seems my blog is not the highlight of their lives; perhaps I will have to make some changes if I am ever going to make this a primary income source. Anyways. The kids were so gung-ho about the bat-hunting that they both started screaming out suggestions and making offers of their friends' bat-hunting gear. "My boyfriend's co-worker has a shotgun!", "I will drive to Washington with you to see this!", "My roommate has a video camera he'd probly let us use... he might even want to come along too!", "I know a bat scientist! I had a friend freshman year whose dad was a bat scientist!", "etc.!". Team Little Sibling is rallying high and this summer it is just us and the bats.

And what else could I ask for?

4 comments:

Zillah said...

wait, do bats = vegan? a whole new source of protein presents itself!

missy. said...

i wonder how one goes about becoming a bat scientist.

missy. said...

also, i really liked this post.

Austin said...

If you come to Washington to do this, I, the roommate, will happily come and document the whole ordeal on camera. More than happily, nay, Giddily.