Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Batgirl

I have the best in-laws a person could hope for (I don't think they know I have a blog, so you can be assured of my sincerity). They are lots of fun, easy-going, and, really, tend to get all the in-lawwing right. I'm sure that you will hear stories about all of them as time waxes on, but, for now, I would like to share a little story about Ryan's dad.

One evening during our spring break at the cabin, Ryan picked up a bb gun that was resting next to the porch doors and asked me if I had ever shot any kind of gun before (I responded in the negative; I think Bethesda, MD, where I was born and raised, is a largely gun-free zone). Ryan's dad joined in, describing a favorite pastime of his and one of the adolescent brothers-in-law: trying, in futility, to shoot the bats that come around during the summer. I'm sad to say I can't remember how the conversation progressed as it did. We were pretty much just shooting the breeze until Ryan's father offered to pay for my graduate studies.

If I could shoot and eat a bat.

Ahem.

Ryan's father is a man of his word. When Ryan and his sister Jacki were kids, the dad offered them each $1000 (that is the correct number of zeroes) to eat a garden snail. They both were awarded the money, although poor Jacki had to ingest her snail twice; on the first try, she barfed it back up.

At any rate, since the man meant business, I haughtily proclaimed that I would do whatever it took and provide photo documentation posthaste. A simple snag n' snack, flying rodent style. I was in. Duh. We are talking about a significant sum of money.

So yesterday I began planning my bat-attack. Naturally, I turned to Google and entered the keywords "bat hunting". (Incidentally, when Ryan got home and saw those keywords still present in the toolbar he truly laughed harder than I have ever seen him laugh). What I turned up involved this:


I mean, seriously though. I have no chance. That wily old man called my bluff, and right he was. No culinary technique could turn this little varmint into something ingestible. NO way.

And it's a damn shame.

P.S. If anyone has any great ideas about how to find, shoot, and eat a bat successfully, pass them along. This is not a joke.

12 comments:

Kate said...

It's times like these I wish that I had the considerable fortune of Poppa Lee so that I could pay people all kinds of crazy money to do really wierd crap.
That is seriously a good joke.

Jen said...

Good luck on that one. There is no way I could imagine eating a bat. And that's not just my preg-o-sensitivity talking.

missy. said...

wow. woooooooooooooow. good luck with that :)

Kelsey said...

ok. here is the plan: come to my mom's in the summer where the next door neighbor's house has lots of bats that come out at dusk, so many that jonah caught one with the pool cleaner stick thing. so then after you get jonah to catch you one, you can shoot it while it's on the ground (not fair, but neither is a challenge to shoot and eat a bat for college tuition) and then find someone tough (my mom could probably do it) to cut it's head off and skin it and such, and then fry it up. Then you can eat it, we will tell you it's tofu. And then your studies will be paid for.

amy said...

kelsey, in my opinion that is a viable plan. i will commence talking ryan into a summer road trip to seattle (shouldn't be hard to convince him to leave the hot hell death of salt lake behind for a week or two). we will bring the camera. and the ketchup.

but seriously though. we need to discuss this in greater detail. zero tuition would more than pay for a few gallons of gas and stops at McTofu's.

Jami said...

Do you have to consume the entire bat, or just a few bites? I think chomping on a bat wing would be too much for anyone, particularly for someone who doesn't really eat meat.

Kelsey said...

good, because I seriously proposed it as a viable plan.

Katie Bit said...

This is interesting because just a few night ago Brett and I were watching a program about weird foods, and the focus of that night's program of course was the delicious delicacy of bats. The men simply shot a few (didn't look too hard) and then the wife cooked it up. She boiled the bat in some coconut milk and spices and then they chowed down. The man bit into that bat head and was loving every minute of it. So rest assured that it can be done, and it can oh so tasty. Good luck.

Jacki said...

http://bertc.com/fruitbat.htm

Bri said...

You can do this, just fire-roast the bat and douse it with sauce. I fully support Kelsey's plan.

Rach said...

hahahaha, oh dad.

Emily said...

Eat, eat, eat! This is so awesome. If anyone can do it, it certainly is you.

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