Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sleepless

My mother always warned me that I would one day become an insomniac. She said when she was my age she could sleep on a plane, on a train, in a house, with a mouse. Then middle-age hit and WHAM! Insomnia.

Now here I am, twenty-seven. I didn't think that counted as middle aged until I started waking up at three in the morning all the damn time. Last night I was thrashing around like a dying carp until dawn, at which point I invariably fell back asleep only to be snatched from sleep forty five minutes later by a merciless alarm. It's my new thing that I do.

The worst part is how worthless I become without sleep (and I'm talking without like nine hours of sleep. I don't mess around.) When my roiling wakes Ryan up and he lays awake all night trying to coax my inexplicably neurotic body back to slumber he always manages to follow up with a productive day. He asks me questions like "What shall we do for dinner?" and I reply by drooling down my shirt and making a noise that hastens the image of barnyard animals. I spend nine consecutive hours on Facebook and have nary a new friend to show for it. I don't do my homework or laundry. I don't do anything.

If this is what happens when I miss one measly night, may I ask, what will become of my if I produce hypothetical offspring? I am told they suck on your breasts all night long. I am also told "you'll sleep right through it." Folks, I'm all for natural parenting, and we all know breastfeeding has a friend in me. But now hear this: if I ever have to nurse ANYONE or ANYTHING sixteen times in the night, do not be surprised when I administer a full dose of Nyquil to that one or thing to make it stop squalling because...I really, really have a hard time when I don't sleep.

Cue the violins. All you moms are thinking I am a real sucker. And you may be right, but I would add that I am a WHINEY sucker. A whiney, whiney sucker. With insomnia.

9 comments:

betsey said...

ummm.....why are we not facebook friends? I just tried to find you. I'm going to continue searching, but it is hard because I don't know your married name...

Sleeplessness=bad. Richard took ambian when he was studying for the bar and couldn't sleep (her was very nervous). Said it worked like a charm. I mean, it might not be a good idea for you to take it the rest of your life or anything...I'm just saying...

betsey said...

Okay, I just added you as a friend. At least I think it is you. Your profile pic is you from the back.

BTW (HE was very nervous). Clearly I haven't gotten enough sleep.

April & Anthony Callison said...

Pamy! Is this you! Wow, I just spend an hour looking at your blog catching up...an hour I really didn't have - but very worth it. I'm glad some things don't change - you are just as witty and hilarious as ever!

Now that I have a baby, I can totally attest to the worthlessness of not getting a goods nights rest. If someone would have told me it would be 6 months before I would get 8 hrs of uninterupted sleep, I don't think I would have ever started the whole breastfeeding thing. But someone (quite miraclulously) I've gotten use to the night wakings and don't mind. Everyone keeps telling me I should just let him cry it out - but I'm suck a sucker and can't do it. Maybe one day...

Kristin said...

I don't know who told you you would sleep right through it, but they lie. Lying liars.

J and Rachel Kirkham said...

I feel ya - I'm currently awake at 4:28 and I've been up for an hour now. Oh and I love your comment on my blog and I will never erase it. Sex is the best remedy and believe you me, we will do a lot of that! Sex and walking...no sleeping.

Liz Johnson said...

I'm with Kristin. Who are these liars you speak of? Burn them.

Sleeplessness sucks, end of story. I whine through it and try to nap. And eventually, you just cope with less sleep. It doesn't make it any more pleasant, but it's sorta like if you lost a limb in an accident; it sucks, but you adapt.

What a blissful view I have! I woke up four times last night. :)

Jen said...

I think the lying liars must be on their fourth or fifth child. I thought I was dying a thousand painful deaths of sleep deprivation with my first child.

But with the second, though still difficult, I am honing my sleep-walk in, nurse, go back to bed skills. Sometimes I can't remember how many times I woke up because I didn't wake up enough to register it. I guess everyone is different.

I sympathize with your plight and hope you find something that works, or survive.

When you do have a suckling child, Mark Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is the best EVER.

Ann Marie said...

Have you tried "crying it out?"

Kelsey said...

Have you ever met "Sleep Kelsey"? Somehow she hasn't appeared. Must have been blessed with a good baby.