Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Hard Stuff

For those who may have been concerned that I have neglected to post about my illness because I am sipping Jack Daniels in the closet while weeping about how much I love my high school friends, put your minds at ease.

I switched to opiates and they work even better than booze!

After spending all of Sunday night hacking up "a lung" (code for gross lungey particulate matter in colorful gak-like suspension) I called the student health center at 7:30 a.m., when they, mercifully, open for business. I plead my case. I told them they already knew everything they needed to know and that I couldn't afford to come in for another appointment (don't tell my mom, I don't have insurance.) FIX IT!, I cried. And the kind doctor lady took ten minutes to explain all about my sickness to me and all about the medicines I had been taking and all about the new medicines I would soon be taking and, well, she made me feel like a real expert. If any of all y'all get sick, call me. I am newly certified in treating upper respiratory infections on a budget.

End of story, the new (code for opiate-laden) cough syrup worked like a charm and I am on the road to recovery which I have celebrated by purchasing a single serving key lime pie from the local fake-mex place and doing my homework. Hopefully this weekend I will learn to sleep unassisted again.

But I think I'll cash in on the refill, just in case I need it.

Codeine, I love you.

2 comments:

e said...

Lucky you. My body violently rejects the stuff.

I'm glad your on the mend. Key lime is perhaps the best medicine. Or maybe "repie" since that's my verification word.

Kate said...

We haven't had insurance for ages. Neil had to wait several hours, several times to get something checked out at a local "poor people's" clinic this week. God bless America!