Monday, October 18, 2010


My glamorous life has taken a turn for the less-glamorous in several ways that may entertain you. In the past three months I have:
  1. not done one single dish.
  2. vomited over fifty times (in case you were jealous about the dish situation).
  3. gained twenty pounds.
  4. eaten fifteen slices of pizza from Costco.
  5. tried Taco Bell for the first time.
  6. not slept through the night once.
  7. missed all of tomato season.
  8. read eight books about babies, give or take.
  9. begun having freaky nightmares every night.
  10. convinced myself that I will give birth to an intersex child and move to an intersex-friendly community (maybe Portland?).
  11. tested the limits of Ryan's time-management skills and overall obedience.
  12. shaved my legs and underarms for the first time in about five years. Strangely, it helped.
  13. heard a heart beating in my body that isn't my heart.
  14. realized I have to find a pediatrician.
  15. felt grateful that I had an upper respiratory infection because it meant I had to call in sick to work.
  16. felt astonished that I could get an upper respiratory infection when I had drunk a Coldbuster at Jamba Juice every day for the past six weeks. False advertising; they should have a pregnancy clause.
  17. noticed that people want to tell me either why parenting is wonderful heaven or miserable hell, though I suspect a combination might be most accurate.
  18. peed on the bathroom floor due to the forcefulness of my dry heaves. I was kind of proud.
  19. had sore abs from vomiting. Again, pride.
  20. contracted a bladder infection.
The scope of this blog's misnomer title seems to be expanding by the minute.


Jen said...

Hahaha, on the leg shaving.

Sorry, it's not intersex. I have already decided you are having a girl.

You can do it!

I hope the middle trimester gives you relief from vomiting.

Adam S. said...

I can think of no one who will be a better parent. About names--your dad may be right, but don't let him know too early or you are in for a lot more advice.

Jacki said...

So "Housewife," then?

Liz Johnson said...

The freaky dreams are the worst, man. Have you had one about being kidnapped by Iraqis with a bunch of Korean schoolchildren? That was a weird one.

Josh and Gloriana said...

love it- this made me laugh so hard- xo

Ann Marie said...

you're pregnant!!!! so. freakin. awesome. can't wait to hear all the advice you get ;)

The Copes said...

One thing that really helps with the hormonal mayhem, is researching over-priced baby gizmos (fancy European strollers and what not) I just became the proud owner of a refurbished "mama-roo". Check it out the next time you find yourself on the bathroom floor with a laptop at arms length.