As I crouched vomiting for the second time on this morning, the twenty first week and fourth day of my pregnancy, a haiku sprang to my mind. This is the only place I can share it, so here you go:
To be pregnant is
to vomit gut foam as you
pee on your own feet
In other things that resemble updates (there are no actual updates here, in case you hadn't noticed), if you were thinking you might ask Ryan or I what we plan to name our unborn, you won't get a straight answer. I'm giving you fair warning. When I was newly pregnant, Ryan announced that he doesn't think names matter much because regardless the name itself, within twenty four hours it just becomes the kid's name and everyone gets on with their lives. I tend to agree, and I also maintain that if my kid is going to get teased for his name, he would probably get teased about something meaner otherwise and would probably benefit more from boxing lessons than a new moniker. Still, on occasion we do halfheartedly attempt to have an adult discussion about this increasingly relevant topic, and it deteriorates so quickly it even makes our own heads swim.
Me: "Ryan, we are having a child and it is our responsibility to name him. We also need to get him insurance, but I'd rather talk about names."
Ryan: [stares blankly]
Me: "What about Oliver?"
Ryan: "Ok."
Me: "What about Ebenezer?"
Ryan: "EBEN EBEN!!!"
Me: "Iago? Carlos? Ichabod!!"
Ryan: "ASSMAN CLOBBERFINCH! SPORKEN JORSENHEIMER!"
Me: "Assman might be a good choice. It's at least likely to be a good description of any child with our combined genetics."
Assman it is, folks. Don't bother asking until Child Protective Services demands an name. There won't be one.
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6 comments:
nymbler.com
This is a site you can enter names you like, and it gives more that it thinks you'll like.
Though if you really love Assman, that's fine. People will call him Assy for short.
PS, at least if you get stung by a jellyfish, you will have easy access to frequent treatment right now.
This is a poor quality copy, but still hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=els_kUrhqKM
Names don't matter?? Don't matter???!!! Jeff could go on for near to an hour about how much names do matter (hair too) and in fact determine your whole life.
YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
You may wonder where our newly born's name will take him.
Well when he's snowboarding in the Winter Olympics and you hear the announcer say "And Oz the Wizard Runyan wins the GOLD!"
. . .you'll know.
luvs, aby
PS - My dad tried oh so hard to convince my mom that they should name one of their sons Oliver Wallace and then they could call him Olly Wally.
Can you imagine where Spencer or Josh would be now if their name was Olly Wally?
Assman:)
I'm crying I'm laughing so hard. Your pregnancy haiku is spot on and I'm thrilled that our young Jack S. (aka Jackass) will have a friend to cry with.
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